Here I am sitting in Hoshun on St Charles Ave, thinking, what is love? I didn’t plan on posting anything this month, but in the spirit of Valentine’s, why not?
Growing up, often-times they asked what I thought what love was or if I know what love is.. and? Till this day, I still don’t know. I know how I love; I know what my love languages are, and I know how I want to be loved.
I don’t have great romantic examples, but there are different loves, like I love my friends and family. These people make my heart full, and I’m sure they know I love them. I believe in not only saying “I love you” but showing my love, I believe in being PRESENT. I show my love by always showing up, I’m very affectionate and my love is patient (and I’m not a very patient person normally).
I used to have this false idea of love. Thanks to the many coming of age movies and teen rom-coms. I kind of thought that love came with break ups and ups/downs. Sadly, I also thought that arguing meant you loved someone because if you didn’t and just walked away then it wasn’t love (please don’t judge me). These childish and untrue ideas didn’t help when I finally started dating and met people. I wouldn’t say that I was toxic, but I could’ve been. Thankfully, I’ve grown, I’ve matured, and I learned my love languages. Even watching my mom & stepdad, has helped and I’m at a point in life where relationships become very real and if they’re right, they eventually lead to marriage. Mind you, I never plan on getting married but you never know, right?
What is love? To me love is acceptance and a continuous choice, ya know? Like I care about you so much and I want you in my life forever, choosing to love you every day and make sure I’m doing my part/ what I have to do to keep this love forever. To me, love is patient, kind, fun and true. I think choosing to love someone is a big choice. I’m giving you my heart, my soul, and my time. Choosing to go through life with you. I want someone to be my better half, finish my sentences and know my likes/dislikes. Sounds cheesy, but I’m cheesy :/.
I’m spending this Valentine’s with 4 of my best & closest friends so I really wanted to include them in this post. These are people that I genuinely love and cherish. I want their ideas on love, what it means to them and how it feels. I think this’ll be fun, and because we’re all single, why not?
We’re navigating through love and life together, two of us are still healing from our past relationships, two others are healing and finding peace after break-ups and the last one is dating and living her life. We don’t bond over trauma, but we definitely lean on one another in times of need. No matter what we’re a FaceTime call away, whether it be 4pm or 4am, we’re always there.
Kourtnie:
What is love? Love to Kourt is genuine compassion and a genuine connection between two people. Love is accepting someone for who they are flaws & all. Love is also wanting help to someone be the best version of themselves.
What is your ideal love? Having an honest relationship. The person has to be loyal and compassionate to others, understanding, patient, with their priorities in line.
What are your love languages?
Words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time.
What contributed to your ideals of love?
Her parents and grandparents. Seeing healthy relationships growing up inspired to want the same. What they have, she could have one day.
If you had one word to describe your perfect relationship, what would it be?
Authentic
What’s the perfect date?
She values quality time, ordering her fav food, a good wine, a movie and enjoying each other, just being together having deep conversations.
Nay:
What is love?
Love is a feeling you share with someone that you wouldn’t want to live without.
What is your ideal love?
A love that makes me happy and doesn’t hurt her.
What are your love languages?
Gifts, quality time, talking on the phone with her all the time, words of affirmation, food, cuddling.
What contributed to your ideals of love?
Seeing/ experiencing what she doesn’t want. “Once you find out what you don’t love, you find out what you need to be loved and what I don’t need is these n*ggas.”
If you had one word to describe your perfect relationship, what would it be?
Funny
What’s the perfect date?
Her perfect date is a man telling her to take off and meet him at his house and he has a projector on the wall with her fav movie & meal cooked. They bake cookies and he rubs her feet, and fucks her good.
Jayde:
What is love?
Love is having two pieces of chicken left and giving someone your last piece.
What is your ideal love?
A man that is going to worship the ground she walks on, does everything to make her happy and is considerate of her feelings and is generous.
What are your love languages?
Acts of service, Gifts, words of affirmation and quality time.
What contributed to your ideals of love?
Being fucked over. She knows what she doesn’t want but doesn’t know what love is.
If you had one word to describe your perfect relationship, what would it be?
Laughter
What’s the perfect date?
Just getting drunk and seeing where it takes them.
Eryn:
What is love?
Love is a state of being that just happens when you least expect it.Someone you’d do anything for without questions asked (well, she has a few questions)
What is your ideal love?
A love that is 50/50, I give/you give, an equal love. A love that pays attention to her in details. Someone that that loves her the way she wants to be loved and treats her the way she wants to be treated.
What are your love languages?
Acts of service, quality time, receiving gifts.
What contributed to your ideals of love?
Movies, because she didn’t really see a lot of love around her, movies showed her what she wanted out of/from love.
If you had one word to describe your perfect relationship, what would it be?
Everlasting
What’s the perfect date?
Getting dressed up, going to dinner, and then whatever else is planned, coming home then relaxing, drinking wine and hanging out.
Mom:
What is love?
Love is finding that imperfect person who’s perfect for you.
What is your ideal love?
Its actions, compromising, wanting to learn how to listen, listen to concerns, communicating, address problems effectively, anger management, doing what you need to do to let them know that you understand them/ their love language.
What is your love language?
Quality time.
What contributed to your ideals of love?
Experiencing what you don’t want to know what you do want.
If you had one word to describe your perfect relationship, what would it be?
Everlove.
What’s the perfect date?
Just being with my step-dad.
Any tokens or advice that you’d love to give?
“Life is about choices.”
A relationship is an ongoing sense of growth in the same direction.
I also wanted to include my mom because she’s my best friend and greatest confidant. I love the relationship that she and my step-dad have. From this love, my mom has changed her ways for herself and the betterment of her marriage. And because her take on love differs from that of my friends and I.
Happy Valentine’s from my gworls and I. Wishing you all nothing but love <3.
–Perplexxed.
Perplexxed. 