2 years of Perplexxed. 2 years of me sharing my truth. 2 years of love, transparency, vulnerability and honesty.
Fortunately, I remember the night I created and published Perplexxed. I never planned on starting a blog, at least not like this. I was heartbroken and tired of acting like I was okay, when in fact, I was NOT. So, I pulled out my laptop, went to WordPress.com, created my site, named it and published ‘My Shit Stinks, Too!’.
That night, I felt so cold and hurt after what I had taken place with an ex. I decided to not just shut up but to speak up. I had been in and out of a toxic relationship from 2017 until that night. There were things I shared with friends, but I never told full stories or entire truths because I was too embarrassed. Embarrassed of admitting things I went through while in that relationship.
The picture/thumbnail used for this post was a snapchat that I sent to a friend while I was crying. I wiped my face and acted as if I was okay and gave a toast to the new year. I remember feeling like shit, crying, and drinking two bottles of wine alone. And, I chose that picture because it reminds me of where I came from and where it all started. Unfortunately, I didn’t come out to my mom until that year (2019) and I wish I came out sooner because I needed her. I was longing for her advice, guidance, and wisdom. Had I been open with her before dating, I just know that things would have been different for me and that some things would not have happened. Honestly, my life would be different and less toxic.
Going through the years of acting like everything was peaches and cream really fucked up my mental. I never got the help, closure, or the advice needed because I shared nothing I was going through. In 2019, I started therapy and talked. In each session, I cried. It felt so good to just let my troubles flow out and talk to someone. (Initially, I loved the idea of therapy because I could sue you for sharing any of my business lol.) I’ve always been a super private person because that’s how I was raised. There’s a lot that I didn’t share and wouldn’t have shared if it weren’t for Perplexxed.
In the beginning, I would post my blog, share it on the socials and put my phone DND. I was too embarrassed and afraid of judgement. It took me a while to become comfortable sharing my truths and accept the praise and positive responses. People are always applauding me for being brave, transparent and vulnerable, and I accept it. It can be hard standing in your truth and being real about what you’re going through, so I created Perplexxed. I wanted to take my power back from people and things that have taken it from me. I’ve found my voice, my light and my people through writing my blog.
I’ve shared some of my most intimate moments with you all, heartbreak, rape, death, mental illness and just the general struggle of adulting. Prior to sharing ‘Me, Too.’ I told no one about being raped. Through finding myself, building myself up and the courage to be honest, I shared it with you all. It felt so GOOOOOOD to just write and let it go! Minutes before posting it, I told my mom. She’s an avid reader of Perplexxed and it would’ve been fucked up for her to find out from my blog and not directly from me. While in therapy, I really realized how much that moment fucked up my life and future relationships. And I just kept writing and sharing with you all.
2 years ago I didn’t think that I’d be writing anything. Honestly, I didn’t think I was going to publish anything after my initial post because I was too scared to continue. Through faith and my mom, I kept going and kept writing. And of course, because of you all and your kind words, I kept writing. Just like sex, heartbreak and love sell, too! “Just Might x Self-Destruction” is what brought my blog to success and social media popularity. Me talking about my breakup and heart break garnered a lot of traffic and I’ve held on to it since then, even through periods of not posting.
I turned my pain into purpose and created something so beautiful. I created an online family and community. Perplexxed has become a safe space and an online journal for the world to read. My only goal for this year was to have more views that I did in 2020. I surpassed my 2020 views by THOUSANDS and I cried. In 2020, I had readers in 7 countries and this year I had readers in 16 countries and I cried again.
I really want to give a big THANK YOU to all of my friends, loved ones and readers! Thanks to you, I made it through 2021 and 2 YEARS OF WRITING PERPLEXXED.!!!!!!!!!!
Happy New Year!
— Perplexxed. /Tarrion J.