*There’s something about being 30,000+ feet in the air and writing*
In many ways, Nola is a city of firsts for me. First love, first heartbreak, first heart attack, first award, etc. It’s a powerful thing when a place becomes the center of our emotions, both good and bad. For some, New Orleans is a city that holds memories of joy, laughter, and celebration. But for others, it’s a place of pain and heartbreak, a city that’s etched with the scars of past experiences.
It’s not easy to hold the pain and the joy of discovery in the same space. But perhaps that’s part of what makes New Orleans so powerful – it’s a city that can hold both the light and dark of our emotions, and help us make sense of them in a way that feels authentic and true.
I spent the last 9 days in New Orleans. My home away from home. I moved from Nola to Houston last year on my 26th birthday. I left severely depressed and harbored a lot of pain in my heart.
Initially, I was only visiting for 5 days then I moved my flight up two days sooner and thennn I moved my flight up another 3 days and took time off from work. I was really excited to see my best friends and spend time with them, but I was also apprehensive about returning to a place that housed many of my darkest moments.
I thought this trip would have been the longest few days of my life because I hate being away from home and sleeping in someone else’s bed. However, this trip happened to be just what I needed. I could have flown to an island or been on a beach, but the amount of peace gained was unmatched. It had nothing to do with the location but everything to do with the amount of love I received.
I went down to see my best friends and celebrate one of their birthdays and I sort of made it my bday trip too. Though it was supposed to be a time of celebration, it became a moment of reflection. This trip provided me with the opportunity to be still and really sit with new things and let go of old and harbored feelings of sadness.
My birthday is this Sunday and I’ll be 27 *yay*. I should be happy, right? Really happy! With so much newness and changes of residence I should be excited about this birthday, right? Instead, I feel apathetic. Not happy or sad. I just feel like blah.
As another year goes by and you find yourself facing another birthday, it’s natural to take stock of where you are in life. For some, birthdays are a time of celebration and excitement, a chance to mark another trip around the sun with joy and gratitude. But for others, birthdays can be a time of reflection, even sadness, as they grapple with the passage of time and the uncertainty of the future.
Last year, for the 7 months that I spent in Houston, I experienced extreme depression, but no matter how bad I felt, I kept showing up. I was still productive, work was still turned in on time, projects were completed on time. Because I understood that If I worked on what I could control in life, everything would work out for me.
I had A LOT of time while living with my parents. It was really hard finding a job in my field and eventually I settled and served at a restaurant for about 3 weeks before quitting. I then used that extra free time to pick up more freelance gigs and work on my own personal projects. Every day, I continued to show up for myself and do what needed to be done while manifesting and praying for some sort of breakthrough. I rode my bike every day for several miles, playing music that raised my vibrations and brought me peace as I was manifesting something new.
September came around and I felt like my life changed overnight. My hard work started to pay off. I started to get interviews at companies that I was really interested in working for. Then, my current role opened up, and I had the opportunity to interview for the position and got hired that same day, skipping the several rounds that were supposed to follow. And That’s when things began to move too fast and I couldn’t keep up with the new changes. I got hired, and I had to move to NYC in three weeks in order to start.
Idk if the Ancestors finally were tired of me crying and whining and finally decided to help, but soon things began to work out in my favor and I felt like I was in alignment with all that was for me. Everything just happened. I really don’t know how, but it did.
As I turn 27, I find myself in a unique position. I’ve recently moved to New York City, a place that represents a whole new chapter in my life. It’s a city that’s full of energy, excitement, and endless possibilities. I’m living out my wildest dreams, making new friends, exploring new neighborhoods, and soaking up all the culture and opportunity that the city has to offer.
And yet, despite all of this, I can’t help but feel a sense of unease. I’m not a teenager anymore, and I’m starting to feel the weight of responsibility and expectation that comes with adulthood. Sometimes I wonder if I’m on the right path, if I’m making the most of my life, if I’m doing enough to achieve my goals and fulfill my potential.
These feelings are not uncommon, especially for those who are navigating major life changes, like moving to a new city. It’s natural to feel a sense of loss or uncertainty as you leave behind the familiar and step into the unknown. But it’s important to remember that these feelings don’t define you, and they don’t have to control your experience.
Ultimately, your birthday is a chance to celebrate the person you are and the person you’re becoming. It’s a time to honor the journey that has brought you to this point, and to look forward with hope and excitement to the adventures that lie ahead. So embrace the birthday blues, but don’t let them hold you back.
*It’s important to remember that breakthroughs like this don’t happen overnight. It’s the result of months or even years of hard work, dedication, and perseverance. And even when things seem to be going against you, it’s important to keep pushing forward and staying focused on your goals.
My story is a reminder that sometimes, even when we can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, keep moving forward and have faith that things will eventually work out. Life is full of ups and downs, but it’s how we navigate those ups and downs that define who we are and what we’re capable of achieving. So, keep showing up, keep working hard, and trust that the universe will conspire to bring you the breakthrough that you’ve been waiting for.*
With ALL of my love —
Perplexxed.
Perplexxed. 