Living in the vibrant city of New York as a 27-year-old professional is an adventure in itself. From the hustle and bustle of daily life to the excitement of exploring new experiences, this concrete jungle offers a unique backdrop for love and self-discovery. In this post, I want to share my personal journey, delving into the effects of dating out of boredom, grappling with self-confidence, celiBentcy and questioning how it has shaped my view of relationships.
In a city as lively as New York, it’s easy to fall into the trap of dating out of sheer boredom. The constant stimulation and influx of options can lead to a mindset where relationships become disposable, and the thrill of novelty often takes precedence over genuine emotional connections. I found myself swiping through dating apps, going on countless dates, and trying to fill the void of boredom with temporary companionship.
Admittedly, I have entertained the idea of being a “whore” by dating around without any intention of establishing deeper connections. The thrill of meeting new people and the excitement of temporary companionship seemed enticing at first. However, as time went on, I realized that this approach was gradually eroding my self-confidence. Engaging in shallow encounters left me questioning my own worth and longing for something more substantial.
On the last T&TC, I talked about ending things with my sex buddy, but that didn’t last because we had sex a couple of weeks after I posted that. I just wanted to see if I could actually have this relationship (again) after truly knowing that I couldn’t, but I still did it again. I left his house crying! Not because of anything he did, but just because of how I felt. I felt disgusted in my body and with myself. I felt emptied. I FaceTimed my friend while in the car on the way home and I feel like I expressed how I felt, but not really. I didn’t have the words to truly verbalize my feelings. I just felt nasty.
Engaging in a series of superficial connections can gradually erode our self-esteem. The cycle of meeting new people, engaging in conversations that lacked depth, and never truly feeling a genuine connection left me feeling empty. It became clear that I needed to step back, take time for self-reflection, and rebuild the confidence that had been compromised by dating out of boredom. It’s during these moments that I begin to question my own value and wonder if something is inherently wrong with me.
While the dating experiences might have left me questioning my self-perception, I have come to realize that this journey has also been an invaluable lesson in self-discovery. It has forced me to confront my own vulnerabilities, reassess my priorities, and cultivate a stronger sense of self-worth. Through introspection and self-reflection, I’ve learned the importance of setting intentions, being honest with myself, and seeking meaningful connections that align with my values.
CeliBent—a term I coined to represent my commitment to no longer talking to men, dating men, or engaging in sexual relationships with men—became a transformative journey of self-rediscovery. By consciously removing myself from the dating landscape, I created space for self-reflection, introspection, and personal growth. This period of solitude allowed me to reconnect with my own needs, desires, and aspirations without external distractions.
We live in a society that glorifies constant companionship and perpetuates the idea that being single is somehow inadequate. Seeking validation and connection, I found myself falling into the trap of dating out of boredom. I was driven by the fear of missing out, hoping that these encounters would fill the void in my life. However, I soon realized that this approach was chipping away at my self-confidence rather than nourishing it.
During my celiBent journey, I rediscovered the importance of self-love and self-acceptance. It provided an opportunity to reevaluate my values, priorities, and goals outside the realm of romantic relationships. By redirecting my focus inward, I was able to cultivate a stronger sense of self-worth and redefine my understanding of what it means to be fulfilled and confident.
Embracing celiBentcy has been a powerful and liberating experience. It served as a much-needed reset button, giving me the opportunity to heal, grow, and rebuild my self-confidence. By intentionally creating space to reconnect with myself, I gained a newfound appreciation for my own worth, strength, and resilience.
*I lifted my celiBentcy ban two weeks ago but we’ll get into that later lol*
With Love —