If you keep up with my social media, then you’d know that I moved to NYC 2 months ago. And if you’re in my close friends, then you’d also know just how crazy my life has been since living here.
My friends often make the joke or compare my life to Sex and the City and there might be some truth to it. Similarly, I’m a writer. I’m young and I’m in the streets. I’ve been living my best Carrie Bradshaw- esque life and I’ve already learned so much about dating, work/life balance and friendship.
I went on my first date my second week living here and I’ve been going on dates until last week. I’ve met some wonderful men, but none of them are interesting… enough. Yet, they are great people, just not my people. Doctors, lawyers, writers, finance, tech bros and all the other exciting stuff.
One evening I had 3 dates in the same night, all planned near each other, and luckily I made it to all three. Even though one was a 50min commute on the train, I ran late to the last two because they were further apart. On another night I had to leave a date early because one guy was waiting outside of my house while I was deep in Manhattan (I live in Brooklyn).
I moved here with the spirit of trying new things and stepping out of my comfort zone. So much so, I tried something new and had a casual relationship. I met this guy on Tinder, we had a pleasant chat and initially were looking for the same thing. Basically we agreed on mutual expectations, so I gave it a go. However, it lasted a week because, honestly, the hookup thing isn’t for me.
The first time we hung out, we spent an hour talking and getting to know each other and next thing you know… my pants were around my ankles :/. I didn’t plan on that happening because we were just supposed to be chilling, but one thing led to another. It’s been two years since the last time I’ve been physical with someone and I was mad nervous.
Was it enjoyable? Absolutely! I used to talk about my last partner and complain to my friends about it lasting 7 minutes. I used to PRAYYYY to the ancestors and ask that my next partner would last longer and I guess they heard me because after 25 minutes … I was asking them to help him finish ;/. It was just too much for too long! It was fun and it felt good, but I was getting tired.
The next time we had sex I didn’t really want to but I was prepared for it. We were watching the new Matilda on Netflix, then boom :). We stopped after a few minutes because neither of us were in the mood to do it. So instead we were sitting on his couch, naked, having a little heart to heart.
I expressed that this whole “hook-up” thing is really new to me, and as much as I would like to enjoy it, I don’t. It wasn’t an odd or difficult conversation, but I was clear about not wanting to do this again. He was really cool and very attractive, but I didn’t like him. There wasn’t much to find interesting about him because before this heart to heart, we didn’t talk about much. We just planned days to link and did what grown people do. That was it.
I thought I was missing something, and I was low-key jealous of my friends and their casual relationships because it seemed fun. I don’t know if I felt like I was missing out on attention or relationships. But now I know for a FACT that I don’t want this and it feels so good to be okay with not doing what everyone else is doing.
And I’ve yet to have a “hoe” phase. I’ve only been intimate with one person and I although I’ve entertained the idea of casually hooking up, I was afraid of judgment. From others and myself. I just kind of lived through others and their experiences because I didn’t have the guts to get out there and do it myself. Until now (lol).
Honestly, things started to click and make sense in my head while talking to him. This wasn’t enough for me. After conquering a new challenge in my dating life, I ordered my car and headed home. I felt free, powerful, and I had this great sense of confidence.
I had a top 3 but I’ve cut everyone off because I really just want to focus on me. I’m not on any apps and I don’t plan on meeting people through the phone. Only in person. It’s been two fun months of running around, but I’m TIRED. I don’t want a man right now. But if I did, I would want more. Also, I don’t even think I like men, but that’s another story.
Happy New Year! Also, Perplexxed made 3 years on the first!!!
With Love ––