OBSESSED.

I moved to New York City a month ago. And although it has been really fun, I’ve had to hear about the messy, bitter old bitches back home.

My father and my two older brothers. 

Last month, there were two features published about me, and in one I specifically mentioned rape. The significance of sharing that was to emphasize my openness with my readers. Because I am at my most vulnerable and honest when writing on my blog.

I highlighted the blog “Me, Too” in the feature and hours later my views were up for that post. The post is two years old and has been read thousands of times. I didn’t think anything about it when mentioning it because the story has been out.

That particular event is a slight moment in my beautiful life. A moment that I’ve not allowed to control or change how I treat people, how I love people and my ability to create relationships with new people. I haven’t let it define me and until I posted that story on my blog, I never told or talked about it with anyone.

My mom found out 5 minutes before posting it and I did that only because I know she reads my blogs. I don’t feel any way about it. Me sharing my truth allowed other people to confide in me. People from around the world with similar situations who’ve shared their lives’ experiences with someone they’ve never met. I created a space for others to feel seen and be safe. Because contrary to popular belief, men and boys are raped and sexually assaulted too.

Anywho… Can’t say the same for my father and brothers. Instead of my “family” reaching out to me, they chose to confront my mom because she didn’t tell them. Thomas Sr. expected my mom to tell him, although they don’t talk, and I’ve had several conversations with my father about boundaries and staying out of my business. Even though he doesn’t respect it or me, my mom does. I don’t have the same relationships with both of my parents. I don’t talk to my dad.

My older brothers are homophobic and while it doesn’t bother me most of the times. I just find it weird that I’m always a topic of discussion. I think they want to be me. They’re obsessed with me and my life. Unfortunately for them, they’re stuck in their lives. I think the biggest issue besides my sexuality is me being the “reason” for my parents’ divorce. Because to them, their father cheating on their mom was not enough for her to divorce him. I’m the reason for their father’s pain and suffering. I’m the reason that their lives are no longer the same. ME!

Yesterday, my brother decided to go on a diatribe about me and a traumatic event that I experienced in front of people who were not privy to that information. Exposing my YOUNG nieces and nephew to my personal business, making fun of rape in front of CHILDREN and my brother-in-law. Not liking me is one thing, but I feel like it’s a lot more than dislike. These people realllllllly hate me! Mainly, my oldest brother.

They can’t stand to see me happy, thriving and living my best life while they’re home being miserable. I get to wake up every morning and LIVE MY DREAMS while they have to do what they HAVE to do and not what they WANT to do. I would be mad if I was y’all too :/.

You three don’t ever have to worry about me. There is never a need for us to speak. You three no longer have any space in my life.

Now go on and share this post too🤧.

Coasting.

When we’re kids, the world is a giant playground, an amusement park filled with fun and excitement. Life is a rollercoaster ride that has its ups, downs, twists and turns. As we get older, the thrill of going on a rollercoaster slowly starts to fade away. We start to take things seriously and think about our future more than anything else in life. It’s like climbing up that hill as an adult; it’s slow going, almost too slow at times. But when you’re stuck in the same place for too long, everything starts to look the same. And so at some point in your life you have to ask yourself: Is this it? Do I have to settle for this small rollercoaster ride? Because there are other people who don’t seem afraid to take chances on new adventures. So what do you do? You coast — or at least attempt to coast — until something awesome comes along again.

Fear is an emotion that holds us back from experiencing the life we want to live. You could be afraid of failure, of disappointment, of change, or of not knowing what the future holds. Most of us have at least one fear holding us back from moving forward in our lives. Overcoming these fears can greatly improve your ability to coast through life. You might not be able to control every aspect of your life, but you can control how you react to it. Being able to let go of your fears can help you coast through life and experience more of the things you want to in life.

Coasting through life means you have to focus on the present more than you do on what’s ahead of you. Otherwise, you could get stuck in a rut and forget to enjoy the journey at hand. While it’s important to have goals and know where you’re going, it can be just as important to enjoy where you are right now. So try to enjoy the smaller moments in life, such as the feeling of wind in your hair or the sound of the waves crashing against the shore. You never know when one of these moments could be the last one in your life, so it’s important to focus on enjoying them.

Don’t be afraid to make changes.

Sometimes, the only way to get yourself unstuck from a rut is to make a drastic change in your life. You might have to move to a new city, change jobs, or make other drastic changes in your life to get yourself unstuck. It might be scary to make big changes, but they can be necessary when you’re coasting through life. Coasting through life doesn’t necessarily mean you have to stay in one place and do the same thing over and over again. Instead, coasting through life is more about being content with where you are in your life and making changes as you see fit. You don’t have to rush into anything drastic or make changes for the sake of making them.

Life is a journey that never truly ends, even when you’re an adult. As you get older, you might feel like this journey is slower than it was in your younger days, but that doesn’t mean it’s any less important. While it’s important to enjoy the journey at hand, you should also be mindful of the journey you have ahead of you. Because even though you might be coasting through life, you still have to remember that you’re always in motion. No matter what you do, your life will never be completely still. So be sure to keep your eyes open and enjoy the ride.

There will always be ups and downs in life, and it’s important to embrace this. Don’t be afraid to take chances on new adventures, even if it means you have to go through a few downs along the way. Because the downs are what make the ups that much more amazing. So whatever you do, don’t let life pass you by. Instead, be present in the moment and enjoy the journey.

**These next posts (including “Living in Fear?”) are posts about where I’ve been during my hiatus and even where I am now. Mentally, Physically, and Emotionally. I am blessed to be surrounded by friends that not only get it but are also trekking on their own journeys. Soon, I’ll be sharing some great news with you all about my newest journey. I am so grateful and blessed by all of my readers, supporters, and subscribers. Thanks to you all, my last post achieved a WordPress milestone and I can’t stop crying from the joy and appreciation of you all. **

With Love,

— Perplexxed.