What is this acceptance thing that straight people throw out? What is there to accept with MY sexuality?
I really wish that my sexuality wasn’t something to be discussed. Straight people don’t have to sit down and explain why they’re straight, so why do I need to explain why I’m gay? Why is it a concerning factor in your life? It’s also the sense of agency that straight people think they have over gay people. Who and why do you think you’re important enough to explain anything to; who are you to judge?
Recently, I had an argument with a family member after he asked someone if I wanted to be a girl or wanted to be Trans. This question confusing because WHAT? I am a man. My pronouns are he/him. I dress like a man. I’m just a man that likes men. It’s because I “wear” nails (I get manicures regularly, not fake nails) and I get lash extensions. I guess that’s the starter pack for transitioning?
Not only was I offended, this assumption hurt me because this is someone that I am close with, someone that I confide in and trust. But, there have been sly comments/ homophobic comments and questions like these in the past that I’ve let slide. This time it’s different for me. I’ve been out for years and that’s not changing. Me getting manicures and lash extensions isn’t signaling a transition.
I’m not sure if people are aware of how hurtful, hateful and mean they’re being when they say things. This family member just so happened to my older sibling. What makes it more upsetting is that they’ll be people who will hate or not like me because of my sexuality. I don’t need it from someone so close to me. Although, I don’t experience homophobia regularly, it’s something that I have many times before.
When confronting my sibling, I got hit with the “being gay is a choice” argument. Also, I can’t forget the “I don’t like it” and “I don’t have to accept it” shots. These comments had me perplexed by the passion behind those arguments because I’m still trying to figure out why these things are so important to you. No matter how much you don’t like it, nothing will change, but what will change is how I view you and your access to me and my life.
I was then told by someone else that I need to “teach him and educate him on what my gay is”. Not only is that disgusting, it’s oppressive as fuck! Why am I responsible for teaching and/or educating someone that’s almost 30 when Google exists? That’s NOT my job. What they should have taught him was to love and respect others, and that should’ve been by his parents. Me teaching someone to accept or understand my sexuality is the equivalent of me explaining myself to a white person so that they’ll accept me. It’s a hard NO. I’m not responsible for others, but I am responsible for myself and my peace. I’ve come a long way with loving myself and building confidence, and I’d be damned if I let things like this happen in my life today.
Why do straight people always think we owe them an explanation of why we’re gay? Why are they so eager to dehumanize gay/queer people by demanding that we explain our existence and our “reasons” why we’re gay. They’re people who I’ve met one year ago or 3 weeks ago that treat me with respect. In reality, no straight person secure with themselves cares about another man’s sexuality. So why are you so invested in mine?
Earlier this year, I released “Pride of Myself” in June and I talked about how far I’ve come with my sexuality and confidence. I shared my struggles, how I felt in the past, and how that affected my personal relationships with people. These days I’m super serious about protecting my peace. I’ve lived in a shell far too long for me to allow anyone to put me down. I’m not out here selling drugs, shooting people or having kids (out of wedlock), but I’m being hated on because I like a little dick, chile.
Until next time & with love <3,
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